Mastering Emotions: Unlocking the Power of Healthy vs Unhealthy Coping Skills

Coping skills are behaviors that are designed to help you feel better when you are struggling. These skills may be learned or engaged in unconsciously as an attempt to reduce distressing emotions. Coping skills can be classified as healthy/ or adaptive or and unhealthy/ or maladaptive. 

Think of your healthy coping skills toolbox as a trusted resource you can rely on when you’re feeling stressed or down.  Sometimes people haven’t been taught which coping skills to put in their toolbox (the healthy/adaptive ones) so they rely instead on unhealthy or maladaptive ones (think drugs/alcohol).  

Healthy coping skills are positive, supportive, and life-enhancing skills. These behaviors bring joy and comfort while reducing distress. In addition to working in the immediate moment, they will not increase any presenting symptoms in the long-term causing you to feel more balanced and at ease. 

9 Healthy Coping Skills to Put in Your Coping Skills Toolbox

1. Mood boosters:

Instead of focusing on your problems or distress, mood boosters can help you distract and improve your mood. These include reading a book that interests you, watching a funny YouTube video, playing with a pet, watching a movie you love and enjoy, reorganizing your house or room, listening to music, an audiobook or a podcast, or  making a list of realistic goals.

2. Addressing your basic needs:

Self-care is not selfish. Making yourself a priority will help improve your distress. Whenever you’re feeling low, try eating a healthy snack, taking a shower or bath, or taking a nap.

3. Processing feelings: 

Emotions can be complicated and hard to deal with. Instead of trying to run away from your emotions, allow yourself the time and space to process them. You can draw how you’re feeling, make a gratitude list, punch a pillow, scream, cry, rip paper into small pieces, write in your journal, and vent to a trusted confidant or friend. Try to stay away from social media to avoid writing something you will later regret. Venting is not the same as asking for help. 

4. Problem solving: 

Running away from your problems can be tempting. It may even seem like  a great short-term solution! Instead of avoiding your problems, try making a list of possible solutions or making a list of your strengths. You can also invite family and friends to contribute to the process and remind you of the great person you are. 

5. Volunteering/Acts of Kindness:

Whenever feeling distress, doing something nice for someone you know, helping a stranger or volunteering your time can be very rewarding and help provide you with a different outlook.

6. Hobbies: 

Engaging in hobbies can help with improving mood, confidence, and self-esteem. Try learning something new, working on a project, exercising, playing a video game, starting a garden, crocheting or pursuing other activities that interest you. 

7. Relaxation Strategies: 

Relaxation techniques can help you manage everyday stress, relieve muscle tension, reduce anxiety, and improve your overall well-being. Whenever you feel distressed, consider going for a walk, doing a guided meditation, playing with Play-Doh, practicing yoga, reading, and unplugging by turning off your phone, tablet, and/or computer for an hour. 

8. Mindfulness: 

Practicing mindfulness promotes awareness and understanding of your own thought processes while also decreasing rumination and increasing attention. Mindfulness practices include belly breathing and progressive muscle relaxation. 

• Belly breathing - Place a hand on your belly and take a deep breath in through your nose. When you breathe in, your belly should expand. Then exhale slowly through your mouth and repeat for a few breaths.

• Progressive muscle relaxation - Systematically tense and release muscle groups to alleviate physical tension in your body.

9. Asking for Help: 

Having someone you trust by your side during challenging times can positively impact your mood and support personal growth. Next time you are experiencing distress, text a friend, ask someone to just sit with you, call a family member, talk to an adult you trust, or call a friend you haven’t talked to recently. If you are in crisis or feel unable to contact a friend or family member, you can call or text the Crisis Line at 9-8-8.

7 Unhealthy Coping Skills to Avoid

Unlike healthy coping skills, unhealthy coping skills are harmful and can worsen not only your distress, but your well-being. These choices, though they may seem helpful in the moment, will make you feel worse and prolong other presenting symptoms in the long-term, often causing more problems down the line. Individuals who have experienced trauma along with other co-occurring disorders (i.e., anxiety, depression), may lean toward these coping styles as an attempt to control or evade the presenting difficulties. 

1. Denial: 

Denial is like trying to shield yourself from reality, pretending things aren't as they are. It might feel like a quick fix, but in the long run, it only delays healing and growth. When a person is in denial, refusing to accept the reality of a situation while experiencing significant pain or distress, they may bottle-up their emotions and end up “exploding” or acting in harmful ways.

2. Withdrawal: 

Withdrawing or isolating from other people may seem like a good idea at first, but this behavior can cause other challenges in the long-term including extreme loneliness, misunderstandings, anger, and distorted thinking. Withdrawing or isolating is different from wanting to be alone on occasion to recharge or think. When isolating or withdrawing is done repeatedly, often to the detriment of well-being and relationships, it can be a warning sign of depression. 

3. Avoidance: 

People often find themselves dodging difficult thoughts, feelings, or actions, trying to sidestep stressors rather than facing them. Avoidance might involve steering clear of certain thoughts, emotions, people, chats, objects, or situations. 

4. Bullying: 

Bullying is more than just teasing — it's a hurtful cycle that can destroy people's confidence and well-being. Individuals who perceive a power imbalance may attempt to regain their power by using force, making threats, or ridiculing others. Bullying often stems from someone struggling with their own feelings or lack of confidence — they’re trying to feel better by making others feel bad. This behavior is harmful for both parties as it is not addressing the underlying issues.

5. Self-harm: 

Self-harm means hurting yourself on purpose. It can take many forms including cutting, burning, hitting, scratching/rubbing, starving, binging, purging, or participating in dangerous behaviors. Individuals who engage in self-harm pursue these behaviors because it gives them a sense of control over emotional pain. While self-harm behaviors may provide a temporary relief, these behaviors can become addictive and cause mental health symptoms to worsen, cause more severe injuries, and even pose a greater risk for suicide. 

6. Substance use: 

Substance use can be another example of avoidance behavior. Using alcohol, prescribed medications, and illegal drugs to feel better or cause numbness whenever experiencing a distressing emotion are all examples of substance abuse. Alcohol and drug use can damage the brain, and the more you use, the more drugs or alcohol you need to get the desired effect. This is a slippery slope, leading to further mental health challenges. This behavior can worsen the distress and, in some cases, lead to suicide risk. 

7. Gambling: 

Individuals may also turn to gambling as a coping skill to relieve stress and emotional issues. The adrenaline produced when winning money feels good in the moment, increases socialization and can be used as an escape from worries.  But gambling, especially gambling addiction, can have detrimental long- and short-term effects such as financial difficulties, health problems, impaired work or academic performance, relationship strain, sleeping difficulties, depression, and legal consequences.

Why Do You Need Long-Term Coping Skills? 

Learning healthy coping skills is essential to maintaining mental well-being, building resilience, and effectively managing distress. Psychotherapy services can help you create a coping skills toolbox and feel prepared to manage challenging situations that may arise. When having experienced trauma, using healthy coping skills may seem difficult; however, with patience and support, you can reduce engagement in unhealthy coping strategies and increase your commitment to yourself. 

Master Healthy vs Unhealthy Coping Skills in 2024

If you are considering starting or resuming psychotherapy, consider scheduling a free 15-minute consultation with one of our providers. At Reflection Psychology we are committed to supporting you throughout your healing journey.